foods that had better be waiting for me when I come home

1) a vegetarian fajita burrito from Chipotle, with black beans, cheese, some sour cream, mild and corn salsas, lots of guacamole, and lettuce. I challenge any Chipotle burrito-roller to fit all of those things inside a single tortilla without significant content spillage.

2) Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles. A lot of them.

3) Papa John's pizza with all the vegetables on it. . . or maybe just lots of cheese. . . I don't care as long as it comes with garlic dipping sauce and peppers.

4) A blooming onion. To hell with the fat content.

5) Sonic Cheddar Peppers. I would also like one of those pies they have cleverly disguised as a milkshake.

6) A massive plate of nachos.

I will make the last dish myself, so there's no need to trouble yourselves with that one. Everything else, however, must be delivered promptly to whatever gate I fly into.

Of course, all of this is still theoretical. I may never come home. But with foods like those listed above, it's going to be hard for me to avoid America for much longer.

Anything I'm leaving out?